I have been talking to people about bondage, sex play and sex paraphernalia. One, people are shocked that I know of such things. Apparently a professional in my field should be prudish. Two, people become embarrassed discussing what one might want to purchase in order to add some passion and fantasy into the bedroom or kitchen or parking garage elevator. Why is sex talk still so taboo? What is so awful about being sexually graphic?
Words like fuck and blow job appear to be commonplace in 21st century TV and film, so why all the hushed voices and sideways glances?
I am sitting in a cafe with some acquaintances. I have known most of them for at least fives years, but because I am a private person for the most part, all they know of me is centered around work or my pets. The conversation is tiresome, so I ask everyone what their first vibrator was. “Mine was the rabbit, ” I say. *Crickets chirping.* Then loud and nervous laughter. Then a return to mundane chatter about nothing.
I say, “I like to be tied up, spanked and fucked until I lose consciousness.” *Deafening silence. From the whole cafe, or so it seems.* My lunch companions stare at me or through me, I am not quite certain. Finally one says, “I just can’t talk about those things. Not over lunch anyways.”
When can she talk about it? I have met with these same people for dinner, drinks, festivals, art shows, and the same thing always happens when I try to turn the discussion to sex. THESE ARE GROWN WOMEN! They complain about equal rights, loss of empowerment, sexism and yet, the thought of discussing good ways to give a blow job frightens them into silence.
I cannot, in all honestly, lay all the blame at the feet of my female companions, when on many occasions, male acquaintances of ours join our night out on the town. I say, “What is your favorite why to fuck someone?” *Boisterous laughter.* No answer. I persist.
“Joe Blow, is your favorite thing to be given a blow job? Where was the strangest place you got head?” *Because I have some knowledge of Joe (hence the name I have given him here), I am fairly certain of his fantasies. He says, “I am not into the fantasy thing.” LIAR! WTF! I just played sexy teacher two weeks ago, sucking your penis until I thought you might go into a coma!
Honestly, if we cannot talk about sex then what’s the fun of “sharing stories?” I can only hear so many recollections of the days when they were wild and crazy, as if there is an expiration date on being sexually free.
It seems to me that society as a whole is missing the boat. If TV and film can continue to highlight sex, drugs and gratuitous violence – all things we flock to see on the big screen – then why can’t we simply swap tips on how to swallow semen. Seems like a reasonable request for a 21st century woman.